Identity Crisis

Today we attended an Indonesian Fellowship Pot-Luck gathering at Sembawang church. It was an enjoyable day mingling with fellow brethrens and meeting new people. I had no idea there were so many Indonesian members in Singapore church.

But all this got me thinking on my identity. I really don't feel very Indonesian myself eventhough I was born there and can speak the language (somewhat fluently) and still have family living in Jakarta. But I myself don't identify with 'being' an Indonesian, know what I mean? After living in Australia for so many years (from 1988 till 2002 with an absence in '93-'94) I mostly feel Australian than anything else, albeit a Chinese Australian. Not even an Indonesian-Australian you see. Rather confusing? And I always get confused as to what I should say when ppl ask me "So where're u from?". It always begins with "Um....errr.....".

Anyway, I sort of felt a little bit out of place being in an Indonesian fellowship, because my mind all along is saying - "but I'm Australian, not Indonesian!". And even the speaking part I get a little confused. I think in English but have to speak in Indonesian, so sometimes when I talk it comes out like 'gado-gado' or 'rojak', everything all jumbled up. Having lived in oz since I was 8, I've forgotten a lot of Indonesian words and am not in touch with any of the latest slangs. I speak to my parents in Indonesian, english to my brothers and english to my sister in laws who are Malaysian and Indonesian respectively.

When Edmund tells his friends his wife is Australian, their first reaction is "oh she's an angmoh (caucasian)?", then he'd have to go into explaining no I'm not white, but Indonesian-Chinese. Talk about Identity Crisis!